Origins

In her eyes, those black holes snuffed me out. They cut right through me even though this armour of mine has survived so many, many years. Silence and indifference, they’ve suited me just fine. To be alone has always been my wish. Untouched by reality, and forever swimming in my dreams. Infinity lands between us, the outside world can’t hurt me if I’m lost in the fog of unbecoming. In the maze of endless seas, there’s a world full of yesterdays where there’s nothing to fear. Secrets in blossom, and smiles beneath moonlit sidewalks on the corner of some familiar old road. Tears and pretty dresses. Melancholy and memory. It’s raining and I can’t seem to find my way back again. These streets all look the same. These days that stretch out like pale faces beneath a tired sun. So many grey days where I struggled to even exist. So many useless rituals designed to suppress myself through fear of finding out what would happen if I awoke from such a slumber. No writing, only drinking, masturbation, and working whilst going over the same old ground. Yet even in my dullest incarnations, a part of me fought hard to keep the fire inside burning bright. No matter how dim the flame, it shone even in the most damning of moments. Lifeless like the future, my shell was forlorn. Yet something kept me from harm. Something that’s been with me ever since I was a child. Call it madness. Call it belief. Call it what you will, but it’s always been here. A vision outside of what I know, it’s been pushing me forward down this path since I can remember. Maybe since birth, or since sin first crept in. Either way, I’m moving to a point in time that has been awaiting my return so patient and eagerly. It’s the centre of everything. The nebula of all creativity. Cast adrift from where I belong, my purpose is to leave footsteps. To breath colour into dull surroundings. To bleed my lifeblood onto pages ready to be read by those looking for something more. It’s coming. Slowly like the tide, it’s gaining momentum. Excess layers cast aside, it draws closer with every day. This fate of mine. That field of corn I long so desperately for. One day I’ll return. I’ll get back to where I belong. Take my hand. Link your fingers with mine, and walk with me into the sun. This is how I am, there’s no other way. Nothing else matters. Everything is everything, and it dances invisibly before the burning eyes of the one who will at long last set me free.

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