The skin around my fingers is bleeding. Cuticles. That’s the right word, yeah? So yeah, my cuticles are bleeding so I suck and lick them like sweets. Like shiny red lollipops. Or your nipples. Yeah, your nipples. I know, I know, such perversity within the first few sentences, but it can’t be helped. I’m just a man. Just a lowly and predictable man. And things like this are what I do. That’s my excuse anyway. Unable to make sense of anything, I took a taxi to nowhere. Got out, walked around in circles and then came back again. Wrote letters then buried them in the backyard not unaware of the fact that one day someone will be burying me in a similar fashion. Tried catching a train into London not long after but freaked out because it felt as if all the atoms in and around me were slowly coming apart. Sometimes they do that. I can feel them on the brink of dissolving, and when the threat gets too much, I lose my mind and flower the way a woman flowers when she’s touched by God and touching herself with the light of the sun washing over her body so she shimmers like the ocean. Unable to cross the street as my mind’s in bloom, I lose control of my senses and you’re not there to help me. Unravelling at an alarming rate, I need you to shave off your pubic hair so I can eat it and feel whole. I need you to bruise my skin so I may heal. Move with me. Be my cheerleader. Be my dancing queen by dancing on the ashes of all those yesterdays and all those corpses we’re so glad to leave behind. Chew some food, swallow it, bring it up again, and then puke it into my mouth while I’m wrapped in a dressing gown clinging to the radiator for dear life so cold and on the verge of slipping into the void. Wipe away the beads of sweat from my brow and hum something to ease my woes. Some sea shanty perhaps, or a tune they play at carnivals. Wrap your arms around these bones and shake with me until we fall asleep and leave this limbo behind.
A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.co.uk
A Journal for Damned Lovers Volumes 1 & 2 on Amazon.com
god. To have another soul lift you up from the brink of mind-death, holding you in just the way you need to be able to raise your drooping head and staring eyes from their place on the vomit-covered floor to look up into Light and Life and perhaps find healing there, if only for a moment.
Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.
Yes. To have a soul that knows your soul is something indeed. It’s more than flesh, and it’s more than blood. Which is above and beyond what most will ever know of.
So pleased you enjoyed this piece.
Sounds like your body and your mind are, separated, split up somehow, and i know that it doesn’t feel good at all, at least, NOT in my own experiences…
Yes, that’s pretty much it. A separation of mind and body. That sensation of being unmoored.
Like you say, it’s not pretty.
But it’s something we overcome.
This is surreal. We all want to be in that void. Or to be with someone to heal and to get healed. Felt the longing. Felt the love.
You paint so many emotions.
Thank you very much.
The longing is with us every day, isn’t it? Some block it out, but for us, it speaks on so many levels.
It does. It stays. It screams. True indeed.
That it speaks to you in such a way means I did a good thing, and that’s fine by me 🙂
I look forward to read your posts.
Thank you. I am touched that you do.
I missed this. There’s no one quite like you. Your work never ceases to amaze me. xx
That’s very kind of you, my friend.
Thank you for brightening my day xx
You’re always welcome. xx
Intriguing and deep
Very nicely done
I’m so pleased you enjoyed it.
You are welcome
Damn this gave me goosebumps. The rawness of it, the smell of carnal desires mixed with the deep taste of loneliness. You’re a man alright, and an insanely alluring one at that.
That is quite some praise, and I’m indebted to you for showing such kindness with your words.
It’s given me a thrill knowing you enjoy the double edge of sex and loneliness. The light and dark dance they share can be something special indeed.
Your thrill is the reality of many a damned lover, including I. And I’m now dancing like a wild woman to the beat of my own quest for something in between light and dark.
And you’re most welcome, of course. 🙂
I have no doubt in my mind that your quest will conjure a storm the likes of which has never been seen before x
I think so too, I’m now being the lull. Your confidence in me is inspiring. Thanks Stephen. xo
You have everything you need to lift yourself up xo
Will try, or else come to read your work. Xo
Oh and it was blazing with emotions.