Together we walk down a path carved into a field of green. The fox leading, with me following close behind. I can see the town sprawled out in all directions from up here. The numerous roads and lanes resembling the branches of a dead tree, and yet despite its flaws, it looks almost beautiful. Turning his head, he checks that I’m still with him, and when I kiss my teeth and give him a nod, he bows his own with a grin. With each step I take, I’m moving further away from the man I used to be, and there are times when it gets me so sad I can barely breathe, but then I take a look around at the magic that’s just waiting to be discovered, and my heart fills with a sense of joy I never thought possible. Sniffing some daises among a patch of weeds, the whiskers of the fox twitch in the breeze, as does his tail. What does he smell, I wonder? Kneeling down beside him, I stroke his coat again. It’s so warm and bushy, and as he breathes in the scents of nature, I, in turn, breathe in the scent of him. Resting my head on his back, I think of the women I’ve loved, and I think about those I’ve known who have lived and already died. On this tiny rock in a universe so vast and unforgiving, we hang for a while and then vanish as quickly as we came. Some are lucky enough to find love, but is it the love they deserve, I wonder? Rubbing the fox’s belly, I ponder the love I’ve given so far and am certain it’s not enough. There have been too many tears and broken hearts. Too much regret and days spent wishing I’d done things differently. But here I am. All the decisions in my life have led me to this curious fox, and as he sticks out his tongue and shows his face to the sky, I know the steps I’ve taken have been taken for a reason, and as if understanding my train of thought, the fox lets out a bark and bolts into the field of wheat to our left. Laughing at the sight of him as he jumps into the air before diving back down through the thick stalks that bend in the wind, I wipe the sweat from my face with my shirt and sprint after him. Yapping as he goes, I see his bushy tail swinging from side to side. Gasping for air, I wade through the wheat as if it were an ocean, and as the sun washes over us, it feels as if this journey has always been waiting. All it needed was for me to find out what I was made of before it could begin.

A Journal for Damned Lovers UK

A Journal for Damned Lovers US

Anthology UK / Anthology US