Are we just animals raging on a rock that orbits a star shooting through space, or are we lovers wasting our lives on stuff that doesn’t even matter? Either way, I’d say we’re fucked. Smoking a cigarette watching others doing their best to fit in, a fight breaks out at the bar involving two guys dressed in their worst. Quarrelling over some dumb blonde with panda eyes, they rush outside and begin their dance. One of them even removes his top in some bizarre show of brute aggression. Mockingly applauding his efforts, I retreat to a safe distance as the two boneheads fall to the floor and writhe around. They’re supposed to be tough; supposed to be putting on a show, but the only one who’s impressed is some guy with one hand on his pint and the other sliding down his trousers. I want them to gauge each other’s eyes out, but before any serious harm occurs, their girlfriend’s interupt and put a stop to things. Such a dismal performance and one I’m sure is happening up and down the country in cities, towns, and everywhere in between. As I’m sipping my beer, I imagine how many women are on their backs thinking of someone other than the one attempting to fuck their brains out. So much lust and boredom being exhaled in the same breath. So many lives that pass out of existence as if they never even mattered. And perhaps they don’t. Perhaps the games we play have no meaning at all, and despite our best attempts, we’ll just fade out of view as if we weren’t even here to begin with. Estelle isn’t working tonight, so I don’t get the chance to ask her if she’s checked out Bukowski. She’s probably doing Ketamine somewhere while some guy spends the best part of the night trying to find her clit before passing out. The thought of it makes me shudder. Not her clit, but the same cheapened acts performed over and over again with no end in sight. Maybe that’s why I’m doing my best to avoid all contact with women, but at the same time I know I’m drifting further away, and isolation isn’t healthy at the best of times, specially not when you’re a writer. Ha! What a thought! No wonder all those ex-lovers tired of me. So delusional. So lost. But hey, it is what it is. I’m writing, and despite every fuck up, the words continue when so much else has come to a grinding halt.
A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.co.uk
A Journal for Damned Lovers on Amazon.com
Categories: Lucid
Author S. K. Nicholas 
Absolutely fuckingg loveee thiss on so many levels! 😌
Ooh, I’m so glad you do! Thank you for your kind words 🙂
Haha i did indeed and you are extremely welcome!
🙂
It’s not permanent and celibacy does have its many merits, my friend 😉
Some never learn to see the emptiness of the life you just described. Count your blessings, you are high above the rest. x
Thank you, your words give me much hope. You’re right, celibacy has many merits, and to embrace the emptiness is something not enough of us do. Hopefully it will all be worth it one day X
If I wrote all of my life experiences here, no one would believe them & I would probably be banned. 😉
Embracing the emptiness takes great courage & sometimes it’s the only thing left. I promise, it will be worth it. I truly admire you for sharing so much of yourself. It’s inspiring. xo
Haha, I’m sure you would! I feel good you believe I’m on the right track. It gets lonely at times, but there’s no other choice, is there? It’s all about these choices we make, and figuring out why we made them in the first place X
so true. A life of emptiness even though surrounded by people isn’t the right kind of life or emptiness. I felt more lonely then, than I do now. You are on the right track if you feel it and your words touch so many. You have a fierce gift, my friend.
Have a beautiful evening. 🙂
Thank you. I hope your evening is a beautiful one too X
My comment was gobbled up by cyberspace…. This is fucking brilliant! I can resonate myself in here all over the place. Except the horse tranquilizer. Maybe that’s what I’m missing.
Haha! I think the horses can keep their shit. There’s nothing wrong with the joys of alcohol! I’m glad you liked this piece and found yourself within its words X
Nothing wrong with being an observer for a while, it will strengthen you in the long wrong. The women will always be there, when you’re ready. The beginning of this was so funny – what a stupid pissing contest!
A pissing contest indeed! I guess being an observer comes natural. I’ve always enjoyed it, and I guess at least now there’s a purpose to it. Still, it’s a lonely road X
It is, but it gives you a much better understanding of human nature. I’ll sit at the bar with you, and we can make our observations about everyone together. 😉
People watching is fascinating, isn’t it? I’ll even be a gentleman and buy the first round 😉 X
I’ll buy the shots. You’re not getting off easy. Xx
If we’re doing shots, make mine a Sambuca 🙂 X
Absolutely. My first will be a Buttery Nipple, unless you want to see me make whiskey face. 😉
What’s a Buttery Nipple? Sounds, buttery! Have you tried Jack Daniels Fire? It’s rather nice 🙂 X
Ha. It’s the ultimate wimpy woman’s shot. Butterscotch schnapps, with a float of Bailey’s. Yummy. I think the Sambuca first sounds good though. JD Fire? Nope, never had it. Rumple Minze is good though…
Oh dear, I’ll let you stick to that! JD Fire is a cinnamon version. I love it. X
Though if we get too loud they might kick us out. I’m sure we’ll find another viewing spot. 😉
Captivating.
I’m glad you think so, thank you X
I really loved this. It is captivatingly wonderful. Wish I had taken a break and really observed the world around me more. I just kept moving without really stopping to learn from any of it. I can look back now and see where I went wrong, but it would have been wiser to just pull back.
Thank you! Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but as long as you’re doing the right thing now, then I’d say you’re doing it just okay. It’s taken me years to open my eyes, and I kick myself daily for not doing it sooner, but some go through life having never seen at all X
Funny image of us, dragging knuckles as a giant rock hurtles, such abstractions but i relate more to them than angels and demons
You, not of glow and stardust, you ensure because you have the wandering minstrals heart, packed with a Latino heart. It’s a heady brew and you’ll never go down because you’re what keeps the curtains up, the velvet plush, our eyes bright in want. Your journey really, has only just begun. Wasn’t it Jung who said, little of consequential occurs before we’re half way there? (50). Keep your fires hot, it’s a rosy big ahead my friend and I support you with every willow in my soul. Never ever change, just keep following the shadows and the shine♡. Your work is excellent.
Thank you, Candice. Such beautiful words from a beautiful soul. I shall keep them close to my heart and cherish them forever ❤
Always the doubt, but always you carry on with the path…I identify with that so much. I’ve said it to you so many times… but no matter how hard it gets and lonely as well, it’s the right thing to do, it’s the *only* thing to do, you have no choice in the matter, you are propelled by that flame that most people don’t have because they’re dead inside. So raw, and real, and truthful, you always blow my mind…isn’t that, if not better, at least as good as a fuck? This is what you’re doing with your writing, and it’s very much an exchange, isn’t it? it’s fucking, between writer and reader… and I don’t know about you but on my part, it’s been pretty amazing on numerous occasions over here.
Yes, I have been at the wine and I’m being, maybe embarrassingly, honest, who fucking cares? not I 😉 x
I love the way you watch the world. I’ve a craving to sit in a dark corner of a bar watching the world being played out. Getting drunk on words, thoughts and alcohol.
I think you should do it, even if it’s only once. The sights and sounds you find are both glorious and horrifying in the same breath. And the inspiration they can give you is worth their weight in gold.
I people watch everywhere I go. But I’ve never had the nerve to sit by myself in a bar. And I think you are right, I should. 🙂
Awesome writing, keep it up…or not (sorry for the pun) 😬
Thank you. Aha, the pun is appreciated 🙂
Okay, this is the second piece of writing I’ve read of yours and I’m already in love with your style and voice that you write in. Seriously amazinggggg. 🙂
Ah, thank you ever so much! I’m so pleased you enjoy my words. It’s a pleasure to have made you smile x
Not a problem at all. I’ll keep reading x
I shall keep reading yours, too. I checked out your blog yesterday, and it was most refreshing and vibrant. x
Thanks so much for the feedback. Glad you enjoy reading it. If you ever want a guest post featured on yours let me know, I’d love to write something for your blog. x
Thank you, that’s very kind of you! I shall let you know, as well as read more of your poignant words x
Goddaaaamn. Blunt, reflecting, AND humorous bouts of self-deprecation thrown in? Now, that’s just lovely.
Haha, I’m glad you enjoy the combination! Thank you 🙂
There’s always something captivating about broodiness and just plain — being tired of shitstorms. Especially when its put into such great writing! I’ll be looking forward to your future posts 🙂
I’m glad that you are, thank you 🙂 The less shitstorms the better. Those that disagree should be severely punished!
You’re spot on with the irony you know? Being a writer, you need to witness, be an audience, be a participant. Yet as a writeR， one can be easily disappointed by the monotony of existence. But the best thing you said was that despite everything else grinding to a halt the words keep flowing. Awesome!
Thank you my friend. I’m glad you know what it feels like. The struggle can be deadening at times, but the thrill of survival is like no other 🙂
Heartbreaking and extremely well written
Thank you for saying so! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Everyone wrote everything…..😑 nothing’s left for me to write…
If u can write a summary of all comments above… make it mine…😉
I shall try my very best for you ☺
U would??
Hi! I’ve nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award, here is the link: https://danicapiche.com/2017/02/22/blogger-recognition-award-writers-edition/
I hope you’ll enjoy it! If you’re unable to participate please accept this gesture of my appreciation. 🙂